did you ever stop wondering?

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!
May the stars always shine as bright as you do.
As frequent as your mood swings can be,
I hope that with me you’ll always be happy.

Whenever I’m in a new place, I almost always look up to see whatever’s above me. I start observing the celing, the clouds, the leaves, the fixtures, sometimes blemishes, pipes and cobwebs among other stuff.

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I finally feel like I’m burning out and I’m only turning 25 next month.

I’ve been having weird dreams lately.

One went something like I was smoking a cigarette then just suddenly remembered that I’ve already stopped smoking (for almost 3 months already, actually). Then this heavy feeling dawned on me because I was thinking that I should’ve remembered that I’ve already whisked away the habit so why the hell was I back on doing it.

The other had college as the setting. The professor was giving away the grades for the semester. Passing by empty classrooms, I then remembered that I had another class that I was supposed to be attending that semester but I completely forgot about. Instantly,the same heavy feeling from the other dream got to me. I was thinking that I won’t be graduating that year because I forgot to attend classes for a single subject. And what’s funny with the dream is the face of the professor that of one of my first year high school teachers.

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• 2006 CPMA Rules (.doc)
• 2006 CPMA Entry Form (.doc)
• 2006 CPMA Authorization Form (.doc)

Alone, I sit but with a lot of other people, with their own lives to ponder upon. The train moves as we all move together in some syncopated rocky motion. I can’t escape the fascination brought about by wondering about my “companions’” lives. A couple of foreigners in their school uniform were seated, probably yearning for learning, braving an unknown and somewhat unfamiliar culture. Men in long sleeves, cellphones holstered along their belt, strutting their english, probably talking about their kids and family. (more…)

Had a very busy work week which made me start thinking of a career shift of sorts. Handling clients’ expectations can really be exhausting and gruesome. It’s also just the first time that I’ve actually lasted more than a year in one company. I need a muse.

Anyway, spent a wonderful and insightful weekend last November 5-7. Here’s a shot from that adventure.

We all have 0ur shad0ws n lyf / they haunt us evry day n nyt / ur radiance shaters these shad0ws f myn / i wish i cn b wd u 4ever nd a tym

by tuesday, it’s gonna be three weeks since we really talked.

all i can remember was that before that tuesday everything was well. i was happy and i thought you were, too.

i don’t know what has happened and what is happening. you seem to be so cold to me now.

is it me? did i do something wrong? did i say something to make you do this to me?

by tuesday, it’s gonna be three weeks since you started to drift away.

Why is it that when you think you’re starting to get near what you want and you’ve finally decided that it’s what you really want, it gets blown away by the winds of fate?